Guide to the Apocalypse

After reading "Still Life With Apocalypse" by Richard Kadrey, I thought of a television program on the History Channel that asked people what they would do before the world ended. There were quite a few responses and varied answers, so I decided to make a post that reflected these fears and worries.

I read this article from The Guardian, a United Kingdom-based news site that had a reporter visit a man preparing the apocalypse. Here is what she laid out in the article provided if anyone survived the apocalypse:

• "Pop into the National Gallery and take Jan Van Eyck's Portrait of a Man off the wall. (If you have no taste, take a Renoir.) The Van Eyck is hanging in the Sainsbury Wing. If you want to preserve it properly, Thomas Almeroth-Williams of the National Gallery suggests you store it in a slate mine, where the temperature and humidity levels are perfect for its conservation."

• "Go to the British Library and help yourself to one of its two copies of Shakespeare's First Folio. One is in a box in a strong room under the library floor; the other is in a glass case in the Treasure Room. If you want to preserve it properly, Helen Shenton of the British Library suggests you store it in a cool, dark place, and watch it carefully for infestations by animals or fungi. Dust regularly."

• "Steal the crown jewels. If you can. "There are contingency plans in place in event of a power failure," says a Royal Palaces spokesperson, "so the crown jewels should remain safe." Really? To preserve them properly, do nothing. A diamond is for ever."

• "Invade the News of the World - it's in Wapping - and read all its secret files. Then break into M15. It's on Millbank. Read all its secret files too. Oh, no! She was murdered! I knew it!"

• "Go and stand on the stage at the Theatre Royal, Drury Lane. Skip over the bodies of the dead actors. Re-enact the whole of Oliver!"

To be honest, I might interpret her guide to being satirical. Would money and jewels be worth anything after all the governments fail on this planet due to a planetary catastrophe? Who cares? The world would be over and people would be ransacking everything all over the place. People could raid the CIA database and see if the crackpots concocting JFK conspiracies were off their rocker or not. People could see if American astronauts landed on the news or not (They did according to history, you naysayers!). Whatever happens, new revelations and new ways of biding time would be provided with the apocalypse. Not that the apocalypse should not be openly embraced but anything's better than cowering in a fallout shelter, right?

- Kristopher